Emergency Rooming it on a Saturday Afternoon
So I take people to the hospital alot as part of my responsibilities for work, and today was one of those instances. Two guys collided during an intramural flag football game, knocking heads and leaving one with a definite concussion and bloody lip, and the other feeling woozy. I took the latter to the emergency room, where we spent the next four hours before getting the all-clear. It was not a waste of time by any means, and I was happy to be there with him. Several milestones occurred:

1 - I have now visited the emergency rooms of all of the major hospitals in the Chattanooga area, either as a chaffeur or patient.

2 - I literally came down with a cold after spending four hours in the freezing waiting room.


3 - I struck up a successful conversation with a fellow person in the waiting room. Well, kind of. I'm not actually really sure of anything that he said, but I think it had to do with getting "bit by a #%*$*^! pit bull" who "wanted some dark meat, if you know what I'm saying." He said something about someone (or something) getting shook up, but I'm not sure if he meant the dog shook his hand about or he shook the dog up in response. I'm also not sure if he really understood that I wasn't the guy who had the headache, but that it was my friend: as we left, he told me that he hoped I felt better soon.

I waved goodbye and told him that I hoped he didn't have rabies. He laughed and said that "the $*%&@!& dog is the one who should be concerned, you know what I'm saying?" I didn't, but I said I did.

A Day in the Life of a Visitor to a Girls Prep School
One of my very best friends in the whole world is a high school history teacher at a nearby girls prep academy. We hadn't seen each other in awhile, so I arranged to bring her lunch today. Basically, what ended up happening was one of the more surreal experiences I've had in awhile. And I'm not even kidding. I'm not even sure how to blog about this. A live-blog would probably have been best, but impossible. So instead, a summary:

True statement: I called Paige twice and texted her twice to let her know that I was at GPS, with lunch, and just needed to find her.

True statement: Paige misplaced her phone today.

True statement: I cruised the GPS parking lot for 15 minutes, hoping against hope that Paige would either call me, text me, or magically appear next to me.

False statement: It is possible for a 22-year-old male in a green Volvo with no tags to cruise the parking lot of a girls-only prep school for 15 minutes without that male becoming concerned that he might, just might, look like a creep.

True statement: The security guard began to drive toward me, so I left GPS and spent the next 20 minutes in the parking lot at Coolidge Park trying to decide what to do.

True statement: I finally returned to GPS, entered the main building, approached the receptionist, explained my Mission (bring Ms. Paige Weichbrodt lunch), and received directions to her classroom.

True statement: I forgot the directions.

False statement: Walking across the campus of a girls prep school at lunchtime is an entirely normal experience, and no one needs to feel awkward.

True statement: I got lost, and a nice lady stopped to help me. By nice I mean that she glared over her glasses at me like I was a creep, but had a smile on her face while she did it. If that makes any sense.

True statement: I received directions to Paige's classroom, but she was not there. A fellow teacher directed me to the cafeteria downstairs, where Paige was just seen having lunch.

True statement: I got checked out by a group of 14-year-olds.

True statement: The cafeteria doors were made of glass, and my presence outside of them was more conspicuous than a homeschooler at prom. A visible epidemic of giggles rippled through the cafeteria.

True statement: Another distinguished woman somehow managed to pick me out of the gaggle of teenage girls also outside the cafeteria. She also asked me if I need any help, with a smiling, friendly, you're-really-not-supposed-to-be-here-so-why-don't-you-cut-the-crap-and-tell-me-what-exactly-you're-doing-here look on her face. I explained the Mission again, and she headed into the cafeteria to find Paige.

True statement: I pretended to be engrossed by a nearby painting.

True statement: After two tries, this lady found Paige and brought her out to me. Through the glass, the giggles in the cafeteria seemed to reach epic proportions.

True statement: Paige and I headed back to her classroom where we had a 10 minute lunch before classes started again. She suggested that I stay, and we can finish chatting after the class is over. Figuring that a surreal day needed a crowning point, I agreed.

True statement: 15 freshmen girls asked, loudly, who Ms. Weichbrodt's "man friend" is. She replied, "my brother in law." 15 disappointed freshmen girls moan "Awww..." in unison as it's revealed that I am not, in fact, Ms. Weichbrodt's boyfriend.

True statement: Class discussion was on Renaissance artwork, including a sculpture of a naked boy squatting on a stool that looks suspiciously like a toilet. Ms. Weichbrodt asked if there were any Renaissance-era characteristics of the sculpture. One girl yelled out that he was, like, naked. The room erupted in giggles.

Few things have happened to me that were more funny that today. And that is not a lie.