Lost in Translation
Living in Hawai'i is often equated with living in paradise. And, as advertised, we have beautiful islands, beautiful people, and beautiful weather. Unfortunately, at least two things stick out as decidedly non-paradise-ish about living in Hawai'i. The first is the cost of living. If you are looking to purchase a 3bedroom/2bath home in Hawai'i, and also happen to be the ruler of a small nation, you should probably be aware that your entire national budget would be used up in the purchase. It makes sense, since we live on just a handful of tiny islands, but land is incredibly expensive here. Also, gas prices in Hawai'i are so high above the national average that even Jan Koller felt small when he filled up his rental car at the local gas station (Shout out! World Cup!) I kid you not: it costs a heck of a lot to live in Hawai'i.
So that's the first thing. The second ugly blot on Hawai''si paradise resumè has to do with the fact that we are bad drivers. We are don't-turn-on-the-blinker bad, get-in-stupid-accidents bad, and don't-obey-basic-rules-of-the-road bad. But the biggest reason why I hate driving in Hawai'i stems from the fact that, in stark contrast to our reputation as a very laid back and hospitable state, drivers in Hawai'i tend to take everything that happens on the road very, very personally. If you cut someone off, whether bruddah, sistah, aunty, or uncle, there is a reasonable chance that you will get more than just stink-eye. At no time was this more clearly demonstrated than, well, yesterday.
Yesterday evening I was driving myself and my two younger brothers to church in our mommy van. To make a highly detailed explanation of the scenario extremely vague and not at all helpful, I turned on to the highway by our house and incurred the wrath of the occupants of a Little Gray Honda. Basically, Little Gray Honda wanted to move over a lane in order to turn into the shopping center by our house. I entered the highway and began to accelerate in this lane, however, because the lane is not your typical acceleration lane which ends after 50 yards or so. Rather, it is its very own lane set aside for people (like me) who are seeking to enter the highway from this particular street (like we were). Confused? Don't be. Basically I am just trying to establish that I was in no way at fault for what happened next.
What happened next was that Little Gray Honda sped up and matched speeds with us so that we were even with one another. The following took place in the span of two seconds:
5:20.34PM - I glance over. I see an extremely angry-looking man in the driver's seat.
5:20.34.4PM - Also, I see a woman. She has chosen to extend the central finger of her right hand toward the heavens in a salute to what she perceives as my deficiency of automobile-driving skill and etiquette. I do not know this woman, but if I could give her a name I would not name her "Joy" or "Harmony." In short, she is not a Proverbs 31 woman.
5:20.34.8PM - Troubled that this woman has, sadly, misinterpreted my decision to even exist in bodily form as a direct insult against the very fabric of her soul, I give her a sheepish grin.
5:20.35PM - My gesture is lost in translation. In retrospect, I can only speculate that she may have misinterpreted my polite smile as a categorically inappropriate, sexually-charged comment about her mother. (This is false).
5:20.35.8PM - As I accelerate ahead and Angry Man begins to slow down, the Maiden of the Little Gray Honda appears to suggest, though I may have mis-read her lips, that I go "Chuck a ewe!"
She must have forgotten that land out here is too expensive for sheep-herding.
Living in Hawai'i is often equated with living in paradise. And, as advertised, we have beautiful islands, beautiful people, and beautiful weather. Unfortunately, at least two things stick out as decidedly non-paradise-ish about living in Hawai'i. The first is the cost of living. If you are looking to purchase a 3bedroom/2bath home in Hawai'i, and also happen to be the ruler of a small nation, you should probably be aware that your entire national budget would be used up in the purchase. It makes sense, since we live on just a handful of tiny islands, but land is incredibly expensive here. Also, gas prices in Hawai'i are so high above the national average that even Jan Koller felt small when he filled up his rental car at the local gas station (Shout out! World Cup!) I kid you not: it costs a heck of a lot to live in Hawai'i.
So that's the first thing. The second ugly blot on Hawai''si paradise resumè has to do with the fact that we are bad drivers. We are don't-turn-on-the-blinker bad, get-in-stupid-accidents bad, and don't-obey-basic-rules-of-the-road bad. But the biggest reason why I hate driving in Hawai'i stems from the fact that, in stark contrast to our reputation as a very laid back and hospitable state, drivers in Hawai'i tend to take everything that happens on the road very, very personally. If you cut someone off, whether bruddah, sistah, aunty, or uncle, there is a reasonable chance that you will get more than just stink-eye. At no time was this more clearly demonstrated than, well, yesterday.
Yesterday evening I was driving myself and my two younger brothers to church in our mommy van. To make a highly detailed explanation of the scenario extremely vague and not at all helpful, I turned on to the highway by our house and incurred the wrath of the occupants of a Little Gray Honda. Basically, Little Gray Honda wanted to move over a lane in order to turn into the shopping center by our house. I entered the highway and began to accelerate in this lane, however, because the lane is not your typical acceleration lane which ends after 50 yards or so. Rather, it is its very own lane set aside for people (like me) who are seeking to enter the highway from this particular street (like we were). Confused? Don't be. Basically I am just trying to establish that I was in no way at fault for what happened next.
What happened next was that Little Gray Honda sped up and matched speeds with us so that we were even with one another. The following took place in the span of two seconds:
5:20.34PM - I glance over. I see an extremely angry-looking man in the driver's seat.
5:20.34.4PM - Also, I see a woman. She has chosen to extend the central finger of her right hand toward the heavens in a salute to what she perceives as my deficiency of automobile-driving skill and etiquette. I do not know this woman, but if I could give her a name I would not name her "Joy" or "Harmony." In short, she is not a Proverbs 31 woman.
5:20.34.8PM - Troubled that this woman has, sadly, misinterpreted my decision to even exist in bodily form as a direct insult against the very fabric of her soul, I give her a sheepish grin.
5:20.35PM - My gesture is lost in translation. In retrospect, I can only speculate that she may have misinterpreted my polite smile as a categorically inappropriate, sexually-charged comment about her mother. (This is false).
5:20.35.8PM - As I accelerate ahead and Angry Man begins to slow down, the Maiden of the Little Gray Honda appears to suggest, though I may have mis-read her lips, that I go "Chuck a ewe!"
She must have forgotten that land out here is too expensive for sheep-herding.
posted by jmathe at 1:31 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home